A year and a half later I found myself walking up to his door after a deep darkness had settled over the warm summer grass, hands clutching the sweatshirt I cuddled up in during the many nights I was away from him. I followed his mom inside. As she began to leave the kitchen to wake him for me I told her, “He knew I was coming, let him sleep. I will leave this with you.” Her eyes widened before asking if we were okay, once the last syllable lingered through her kind lips the hot tears began to pour down my face as I shook my head “No.” in reply. She wrapped me in her arms and asked if it had been a mutual agreement and I felt everything inside shattering with pain while responding just the same. The only yes came from her realizing that it had been him to end this. Apologizing following my hysterical response, filled with embarrassment for the tears and disappointment the mother clearly felt upon hearing that her son had left the girl she had welcomed with love into her home, was now leaving broken. All the energy poured into a relationship that seemed so together, trying for so long to always be understanding when he had no time for the girl he said he loved or when he ignored her for his own convenience, trying to be supportive of the dreams that she knew deep down inside didn’t have room for her, all the opinions that were walked on, all the waiting she did to ensure she was available for him when he was ready. The only boy who knew every inch of her body, every dark thought, and every dream that entered her mind. The only one she had ever wanted with all her being, she loves him. But now the deep confusion rooted in how someone could say they love someone and didn’t want to hurt them could turn around and say they don’t want to be with them and there was no connection anymore just hours later. A sudden clarity flooded my thoughts as I realized I did not know what was true of this person who I had shared more than a year of my love and devotion with. The one who spoke such sweet words one moment but followed with bitter heartless words the next. The girl who tried so hard, to be shamed when the boy tried so little. This was not love she thought she was opening her heart to. This was a heartbreak I have never known. “You have nothing to be sorry for.” his mother said as I walked from the door unable to breathe. Staring through tears at the blurred road over my steering wheel on the drive home. Because the one breaking always loses more than the one doing the breaking.